In a heartfelt display of vulnerability, Rachel Kolisi, the ex-wife of Springbok captain Siya Kolisi, has captured the attention and admiration of many South Africans after sharing her emotional healing journey on TikTok.
In the video, which features Kolisi walking along a serene beach at sunset, she unpacks her struggles in a touching voice-over that resonates deeply with viewers.
“I can’t just wake up and be okay, and I haven’t been okay for a really long time. I’m so tired, but I know, I know that the pain that you go through right now is nothing compared to the blessing you’re about to receive,” she says.
@rachelkolisi “Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the action in the face of fear.”
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The message underscores the challenges of overcoming emotional pain, particularly in the aftermath of her divorce announced on October 22, 2024, after being married for eight years.
Since the split, which the couple described as a mutual decision, the Kolisis have maintained a co-parenting relationship for their two biological children, as well as their two adopted children.
The response on TikTok has been overwhelmingly positive, with numerous fans offering words of support and encouragement.
Rachel’'s courageous openness about her life's challenges not only serves as an inspiration to others facing similar struggles but also highlights the importance of community support in overcoming personal hardships.
To further understand the complexities of emotional healing post-breakup, “Independent Media Lifestyle” spoke to Durban-based psychologist Rakhi Beekrum, who elaborated on the challenges individuals face in the wake of a relationship ending.
Beekrum explained that break-ups are emotionally taxing because romantic relationships create deep emotional attachments that can significantly influence one’s daily routine and sense of self-worth.
“Romantic relationships also influence our daily routines, socialisation, practical and emotional needs.
“Feeling loved releases certain chemicals in our brain, so when this affection is withdrawn, we feel the effects of it. Break-ups can also impact on our feelings of self worth,” she shared.
Beekrum noted that break-up coping styles differ based on personality and circumstances surrounding the break-up.
“Every person copes differently based on their personality, circumstances of the break-up, coping styles, attachment styles and access to social support. Example, someone with an avoidant personality may suppress their emotions, while someone with an anxious attachment style may be more emotional reactive.”
Beekrum offered the following coping strategies to help ease a heartache.
Allow yourself to grieve
A break-up is a loss, so it is natural to feel sad, hurt or disappointed. Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship and feel all the relevant feelings.
Practice self compassion
Instead of being hard on yourself for feeling natural emotions, one should practice self compassion.
Take space from your ex
It’s important to take space from your ex, because keeping in touch can complicate the healing journey. Taking space, also means not stalking them on social media, as this further delays your healing.
Be honest with yourself about both the positive and negatives of the relationship
When we miss someone, we often only remember the positive, creating an inaccurate picture of what the relationship was really like.
Challenge your thoughts
Notice any negative thoughts that are hampering your healing. E.g. the thought that you will never find love. Challenge these thoughts, noting that thoughts are not facts.
Rediscover yourself
Try to rediscover who you are outside of that relationship. We sometimes lose ourselves in relationships and may neglect friends and activities that we previously enjoyed.
Prioritise your self care
Ensure that you get good quality sleep, eat nutritious food, exercise, get enough rest and spend time with people who have a positive impact on you.
Social support
Reach out for the social support that you need. We grow by reflecting on the lessons from the relationship and breakup, so consider what you have learnt about yourself and your needs.
While breakups are universally challenging, Beekrum noted that celebrities, like Rachel and Siya, face an additional layer of complexity.
“Breakups are hard for everyone, though the added complication for celebrities is that they are in the public eye.
“What’s worse is that celebrities are prone to public scrutiny, comments and trolling, which can complicate their healing.
“On one hand, a celebrity may have a positive experience because they receive mass support, while on the other hand, another celebrity may have to deal with gossip, unnecessary speculation and negativity from people they have not even met or who do not have the facts.
“We have to remember that celebrities are human too,” she ended.