You’ve probably noticed the trend spikes on lavender marriages if you’ve spent any time scrolling through social media lately.
TikTokers are talking about it, Gen Z is redefining it and the concept is having a moment. But what exactly is a lavender marriage? And why does it feel so relevant again in 2024?
Lavender marriage is a term that shines a light on the complicated relationship between public perception and private truth.
Historically, these arrangements allowed individuals to navigate societal norms, often masking their true sexual orientation.
Today, the term is being reimagined by a generation disillusioned by modern dating and tired of being broke, single and lonely.
According to Business Insider, Gen Z’s take on lavender marriages isn’t about concealing identity but about creating partnerships that prioritize companionship, financial stability, and shared goals over romance.
They’re fed up with profit-driven dating apps, sky-high rent, and the emotional toll of ghosting. Instead, they’re looking for someone to binge-watch Netflix with, split a mortgage and navigate life as a team.
But before diving into this modern twist, let’s explore the origins of lavender marriages— and why they’re still sparking conversations today.
What is a lavender marriage?
A lavender marriage refers to a union between a man and a woman where at least one partner is homosexual or bisexual but the relationship isn’t rooted in romantic love.
Historically, these marriages were arrangements designed to provide a social façade, allowing individuals to conform to societal norms while privately living their truth.
According to Marriage.com, lavender marriages once served as a survival strategy in a time when LGBTQ+ visibility was dangerous, and acceptance was rare. But even in today’s more inclusive world, the concept hasn’t disappeared — it’s just evolved.
A closer look at how lavender marriages work
At their core, lavender marriages are partnerships built on mutual understanding and shared goals. But how do they function in practice? Let’s break it down:
Mutual understanding and agreement
@cindee03 ♬ original sound - Dee R 🧿📿
Every lavender marriage begins with a clear and honest conversation. Both individuals enter into the arrangement with full knowledge of each other’s sexual orientation and the reasons behind the union.
This open communication forms the bedrock of the relationship, ensuring that both parties respect each other’s boundaries and expectations.
It’s less about deception and more about creating a partnership that works for both individuals — a united front that allows them to navigate their unique circumstances together.
Providing social cover
In many parts of the world, societal stigma around LGBTQ+ identities remains pervasive. Lavender marriages often serve as a protective shield, allowing individuals to conform to traditional expectations while avoiding discrimination or harm.
Research shows that LGBTQ+ individuals still face significant challenges, from workplace prejudice to family rejection. In such environments, these marriages provide a way to maintain personal safety, mental health, and public privacy.
Easing family pressures
Family expectations can be tough to navigate, especially in cultures where marriage and children are seen as milestones of success.
A lavender marriage can help individuals meet these expectations without compromising their true selves. It’s a way to keep the peace, reduce conflict, and maintain harmony within family dynamics.
Accessing legal and financial benefits
Marriage comes with perks — tax breaks, shared health insurance, inheritance rights, and more. For some, entering into a lavender marriage is a strategic decision to access these benefits.
This can be especially important in regions where same-sex partnerships aren’t legally recognised, leaving queer couples without the same protections as heterosexual marriages.
A queer TikToker, who goes by Robbie Scott, recently went viral after posting a video soliciting applications for a lavender marriage.
He wasn’t looking to hide his sexuality, instead, he wanted a teammate to help pay the bills and navigate life’s expenses.
“I can be your husband, your wife, your dog, whatever you want me to be,” he said. “All you have to do is marry me so that I can afford a mortgage, utilities, and taxes.”
The comments section lit up. Some viewers shared their desires for similar arrangements, while others proudly revealed they were already in lavender marriages.
One commenter wrote: “Me and my best friend of 15 years have a lavender marriage! We own a house, and cars, and go on vacations. Best decision we ever made!”
Another chimed in: “Currently in a lavender marriage and have felt more love and care in 8 months than in 20 years with my ex. Never going back.”
@robbiesmoonmusic serious inquiries only! #genz #lavendermarriage #queer #broke ♬ original sound - robbie scott
Are lavender marriages still relevant?
Absolutely. While society has made strides toward LGBTQ+ acceptance, stigmas and challenges persist. In some regions, coming out can still result in discrimination or worse.
Lavender marriages offer a way to navigate these realities discreetly while preserving personal identity and safety.
At the same time, the modern take on lavender marriages reflects a shift in priorities. It’s not just about survival anymore — it’s about creating partnerships that work, whether that means splitting a bond or sharing a Netflix password.