It's always difficult to accept the finality of death, and South Africans were shocked to learn of the loss of South African rapper, fashion icon and producer Riky Rick, who took his life in February.
In honour of the anniversary his death, the family of the artist – whose real name was Rikhado Muziwendlovu Makhado – and to raise awareness of World Suicide Prevention Week, his wife Bianca Naidoo and his mother shared what it was like to live in a world without him.
“I am building new routines. The kids also give me a lot of strength, and some days are easier than others,” Naidoo said in an interview with the SABC.
"When I’m not okay, I let myself not be okay.“
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable was a crucial part of the grieving process, she said.
“It’s my way of coping and it’s giving me time to process whatever I'm feeling.”
She also acknowledged that when things became too much, she withdrew.
“In spite of being open about what occurred, dealing with a loss like this presents challenges on certain days, such as the first Father's Day or his birthday.”
“Jordan the oldest, however, is processing things very differently from Mike because she is aware that she can come over just to talk and cry, while with Mike, he comes over and says, ‘I had a bad dream and it involved dad’, I simply listen to him and occasionally join him in his tears, and that is how I am handling the situation,” shared Naidoo.
In 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO) published its Suicide in the World: Global Health Estimates report. According to the report, 13 774 people died by suicide in South Africa in 2019.
There were 10 861 men and 2 913 women among those who died. According to the report, South Africa has the third-highest suicide rate among African countries.
“In situations like this one, naturally you do feel guilty as though I should’ve done more, but I never thought it would have gone that way, but I do know that he was struggling,” said Naidoo.
“When your partner struggles with depression for extended periods of time, it can be difficult. I was a support because we spoke frequently and discussed almost everything. It might not have been at the time, but a few days later, if he was having trouble, we would talk, along with mum and his siblings, who were also a huge help to him.”
The former marketing executive acknowledges that her late husband was reluctant to seek professional help.
“He always thought he'd be able to deal with it on his own. He would have a lot of moments where he would just speak to mum, call me and the boys. I guess that was his ways of coping.”
The morning of his suicide, the two shared their last conversation.
“I spoke to Ricky that morning, but at no point did I think or feel that …” she trails off.
“Because he said ‘I'm on my way home and I love you’. I think he knew how much we loved him. I think that was very clear and I would say it over and over again. Right now we miss him a lot.
“His name, his legacy will just live on with the music, barbershop and family, but as a family I think we'll just continue doing beautiful things around him and do it in the most graceful way,” said Naidoo.
The rapper's mother, Louisa Zondo, said in the interview that the experience had been difficult, challenging and uncertain.
“It's a strange thing that the sense of the pain of him not being here never goes away; it just never goes away," she said.